Past & Present
by Mrs Dr Jason Bull
Summary: When Emily comes back to New York she begins working in the Jennifer Bull women's shelter, but still hides from her past life that she once had with Bull until a case ends up bringing them together once again. Based around the events of season 2 ep Justified, but will be AU as it follows on after the end of season 2.
1. Chapter 1

**Past & Present **

**Chapter 1. **

It had been a moment that in some ways Emily had been dreading, especially as she had never thought that it would happen again, despite her now being in New York once again, but with working in the home that was in memory of his sister she supposed that in many ways it had to be expected.

When she had first started out Emily had wanted to originally be a psychologist and while undertaking her initial training and practise she had worked with one Dr. Jason Bull in his practice, then when he left to start up TAC she had bought the practice from him and had had quite a successful career, until she met the man that had become her husband. He was a marine and she had then ended up selling the practice to follow him on his deployments.

After he had been sadly killed in action with feeling that she hadn't really got anybody that she could really turn to she had built a new life for herself in Spain and had also gone onto retrain as a lawyer.

The reason for the feeling of not having anyone that she could turn to was because she now didn't have any family around her, due to having come from quite a violent background, with her step-father being a very violent man and she had grown up having to keep herself covered up from where she was covered in bruises from his violence, but it was her mom that had always come off the worse. Emily though had managed to get herself out of the house as soon as she possibly could by getting into higher education and leaving home. Even though she had also really tried her hardest to get her mom and sister out of her step-fathers clutches, it never worked, especially as her mom kept telling her that she had done a good thing in getting herself out of there and she was so very worried that if the two of them went to her and he found out where they were she would be danger all over again and she didn't want to put her into that position. In the end, her fear of what could happen came true because in the end her step-father murdered her mom and was now in prison for the rest of his life with no chance at parole.

Originally she was also going to foster her sister, but the authorities got in there first and fostered her out and she lost her, by the time she found out where she was as an adult it was to find that history had repeated itself because she had been killed by her husband through domestic violence and like her step-father that man was now in prison for the rest of his life.

When she first came back to New York she hadn't really been sure what she wanted to do, would she return back to psychology once again and set up her own practice or did she want to carry on as a lawyer?

In the end she had a bit of both worlds because after hearing about her return Dr Marion Grint got in touch with her, who in the past she'd had a history with because when she had first been with Bull in his practise he was going through the same thing she'd been going through with her mom, because his sister Jennifer was in a violent relationship and Marion had been the person that had really tried her best to get her out of the relationship, but it hadn't happened and in the end sadly she was killed. Emily had then ended up being there for him as he was for her a few months later when her mom was killed. Marion then told her all about the women's shelter that had been set up in Jennifer Bull's memory and that Bull had helped them get set up with a few lawyers offices for when the women in the shelter required lawyers, but they had been discussing the idea of actually having someone in house, who could then perhaps look into putting together a small team to be there to help the women in the shelter. He had also helped them get the small apartment block next door to the shelter which they were planning on keeping as apartments for when the women were ready to leave the shelter but didn't actually feel like they were ready for the outside world yet and that they could then begin a new life of their own with an apartment there and could then move on when they were completely ready. They had thought though that they could make the bottom floor of the apartment building into the place where the lawyer team could be based, but other than having an office for the work to be done in they wanted to try and keep it as informal as they possibly could by having a more comfortable area for the women to meet them in. A private doorway had also just been put in from the shelter to that building so that the women could go in and out of there without having to leave the shelter as such, plus they had also got the front entrance use as well for those women that had left the shelter and weren't in an apartment if they needed help from a lawyer as well. She hadn't mentioned anything to Bull about knowing that Emily was back in New York once again, but after hearing that she was back and that she had also now become a lawyer she was thinking that she would be the perfect person to come in as the head of the team, because she would have a better understanding of the women, both with her own experience and of course with her psychology background as well. So, in the end, she agreed that she would at least go and see Marion about it all.

In the end after having gone to talk to Marion about things she decided on taking the job, and after seeing the plans for the whole apartment block along with the office area she had in the end come up with a better idea for things, not only that after having explained that she hadn't been sure about whether to go back to psychology or remain as a lawyer she'd actually like to do a bit of both, so if it was agreed she would be willing to be there both as psychologist and lawyer for the women and it was agreed so she then helped make plans for her own informal office for her to use for counseling purposes, although even if she didn't want to put Marion under pressure, but for now she really didn't want Bull to know that she was back and that she was also the one doing all of this and working there. Marion agreed to her proviso and also promised that unless he did a surprise visit on them she would always warn Emily if she knew that he was coming so that she could be out of the way. Although Emily was also in for a bit of a shock because she went onto explain about how he had helped her in a case involving Kate Martin, who now helped them in the shelter, but was also now in the middle of becoming a lawyer herself, which on the quiet Bull was helping to pay for this as well, so that she could help women that were also in the same position that she had been in. They had also kept things quiet from Kate, but Marion was quite good friends with the team from TAC, the company that Bull had gone onto form as his trial science company had taken off. Marissa Morgan had been the one that helped him with the system that they also used there and had told her about how he hadn't really been looking after himself that year due to various pressures, because he had been drinking quite heavily in the end, eating junk and spending most of his time sleeping at the office or even at times only getting very few hours of sleep. Then the case involving Kate had seemed to push him over the edge and things got worse, which lead onto him having a heart attack on the court steps a few weeks later. He had recovered absolutely fine and had taken a lot of time out for his recovery, but he had also had the complete turn around over the charity and the shelter, as before he would just make donations regularly to them and that would be it, but now he was there helping where he could.

Until the apartment was finished with her also having added a couple of things to the plans, she and Kate just started out with a small office in the shelter itself, before then moving over into the unit that was to become theirs. The thing that she also loved the most was the times when either Kate's family had been looking after her baby or when her husbands sister had had her, because after the trial everything had come out about what he had done to her over the years, leading the two women especially to have a big change in their relationship, meaning that her sister-in-law would also help with the childcare of her niece. Whenever they bought Lucy to pick her up from work, Emily would have a little cuddle with her and she loved having the baby in her arms for a little cuddle and play as well. The only trouble was that it would also bring back her painful memories, but would also bring back her feelings of not having ever had that family that she had really hoped for. At one time all those years ago she had thought that it might end up happening with Bull, but of course it wasn't to be and after that over the years in the relationships that she had had, she knew that she was mostly self-sabotaging herself, but she seemed to never be able to take a relationship into going as far as wanting to settle down and have a family with them, but then along came to the case that was to change all that in a very big way.

3


	2. Chapter 2

**Past & Present **

**Chapter 2. **

This case that she and Kate had taken on was starting to become a real nightmare and even Emily was beginning to think that she was going to have to bite the bullet and end up having to put things aside and go to see Bull and see if he could help them.

It had started out when their client Kasey had come to the shelter following being seriously beaten by her former husband. She had got out of the marriage a few years ago after all of the abuse she had suffered at his hands before and had then stayed away from him for a couple of years. He had then started on the track of getting the two of them back together again by saying to her that he had gone somewhere for help, she had believed him and so they had then begun dating once again, which he had made a really good go at making sure that he portrayed himself as having been a changed man.

In the meantime what he was really doing was trying to get back with her because since the marriage break up her father had sadly passed away and because she had come from a pretty well off family she had inherited a large amount of money, which he had thought that he was at least entitled to some of that money, especially as when they had first been married not only had her father made sure that the two of them had got a prenup firmly in place, but he had given them a one-off large payment on their marriage, which of course the husband had very quickly got through with his drinking and spending that got really out of control. Not only that he'd also been thinking that if he could play his cards right this time with her, but he could also then get his hands on that money she had inherited because with her father now not being around there was no-one around that could insist on them signing another prenup this time around. No matter the mind games he was attempting to play on her, nothing seemed to be working. In the end he lost his job at the accounting firm that he worked in, but he kept covering through saying he was still working, but he had heard some rumors that the firm was beginning to look into making some people redundant or doing it in a voluntary way, so he was thinking about taking a voluntary one and then using that money to set up his own company, but he would still need some capital. She had then fallen for it and had given him the money to do it, but then through getting wise to him, not quite enough though she had found out the truth about what had been going on with him. So on the night that she had wound up in the hospital and had then come to the shelter, she had confronted him about it and he had shown his true colors through then using his fists.

Of course to start off with Emily and Kate had then gone onto getting all of the injunctions and other orders to stop him from getting to Kasey, but then a few days later the cops turned up at the shelter to arrest her because of her former husband being found murdered, and despite her not having left the shelter since coming into it, other than having gone to court with Emily and Kate when they got all the orders, where the three of them had also stayed together throughout that time, the cops wouldn't believe them because the evidence was outweighing what was, in fact, the truth, especially as after that her former husband in the days before his murder had set things up to make it look like the embezzling that he had been doing in this new business of his, along with also hacking into his old job and setting things up to make it look as though she was also a partner in what he was doing there as well to make it look like she did know what was going on, when in reality she hadn't got a clue about any of it.

In the end partly for a couple of reasons Kate had gone to see Bull off her own back to ask for help. She had found out the truth about why Emily couldn't face him thanks to a couple of instances where they'd been in the middle of talking about a case when Marion had interrupted them with one of her warnings to say that Bull was on his way over, so with that the two of them had then got out and had then carried on talking about things in the café down the road, only then coming back once again when they knew that the coast was clear and he had gone again. Even though she could really see the hurt in Emily's eyes when she had told her the reasons for her not wanting to see him, she could also see how much in many ways that she still had feelings for the man and thought that should at least talk even if nothing came out of it other than a friendship at least.

One afternoon when she'd had to take Lucy to have just check up with the pediatrician and had taken the afternoon off as well, she had managed on the sly get copies of everything case wise to give to him and then planned to call in and tell him how they had got on at the checkup, along with of course tell him about Emily. Because the two of them had remained close following her case, and other than when he was in hospital following his heart attack, he had kept his promise in helping her where he could, but also doing as he said by taking her out for walks, even after Lucy was born, as well as being really amazing with Lucy. That had also included surprising her when he'd gone and changed a nappy for the first time and hadn't in any way seemed phased by it, and now he was quite an expert at doing it. Each time his words echoed around her head about him being an acquired dislike, it made her smile because he certainly wasn't that and was just very much her rock in her life and she loved him for that.

Of course, when she went up to the office everyone was delighted to see her and of course Lucy was loving all the attention that they were giving her, Benny had just got back from court and Bull was due back at any moment. When he did finally walk in she couldn't help the smile that she gave to Benny, as Bull realized that she was there and that Benny had got Lucy in his arms, so he swept in and snatched her from his arms, as he said he was kidnapping her and disappeared to his office with her.

By the time she had got to the office Bull had just sat down and was trying to duck out of the way because Lucy was making a grab for his glasses, so as she sat next to him she said "I should warn you she is fascinated by glasses at the moment, as she keeps going after Emily's when she has hers on."

Noticing the puzzled look on his face as he then questions "Emily?"

She says "I may sort of get into trouble for this, but as you know we have got a lawyer at the house and I've been working with her. I do also know that the two of you have a past, but she has reasons for not wanting to see you so Marion has been giving her a warning when she knows your going to come over or even knows when you're coming as a surprise so that then Emily can then disappear."

"So why come for, even if it is nice to see my favorite girl in the world." Just as he says it, Lucy manages to get his glasses finally & he then has a real struggle to get them back off her once again so he then adds "Who blimey has now got one hell of a grip."

She answers "Well it for a couple of reasons, the first is that in the last few months or so Emily has become a real good friend to me, as well as being my boss and she has also fallen in love with Lucy too. The thing is we're going to get her baptized soon and I sort of want you to be her godfather, but I also want Emily to be her godmother too, along with Benny and Petra, I'm just hoping though that the past you two have won't spoil the relationship you have with us as well."

"Ok & what's the other reason?"

She says "Well we've got a real nightmare of a case that we're about to go to court with, and even Marion has said that she should come and ask you for help, because of you being the best, but I Think that she won't do it because of not being able to face you because of whatever and also because she also knows about what happened with you and is worried about getting you stressed because of things being to close to home for you again."

"So go on tell me."

She takes a deep breath and then says as she pulls the papers out from her pocket and hands them to him "We've got this client that came to us after she was badly beaten by her former husband who had also been trying to get back with her again because she comes from a well off family and when they were married her father had made sure that they signed a prenup. Anyway long story short in recent years since their divorce her father passed away, so he made her thought that he was doing all that he could to change his ways and wouldn't lay a hand on her ever again, but we've already guessed that his intentions were to try and lay his hands on the money that she had been left. She had found out the truth and it was the beating that he gave her that got her to us, which was that through the business he'd set up he had been embezzling funds, and that rather than having taken voluntary redundancy from where he worked he'd been in trouble for embezzling from them as well. He was found murdered and our client has been blamed for it and obviously charged, even though other than the day we all went to court together she hasn't left the shelter. The other thing is that he has managed to set things up or the same person that is trying to set her up for the murder has also made it look like she knew all about the embezzling when the first she knew was the day that she ended up in the hospital. We've both been scrambling around trying to get everything proved and also still trying to get at least the murder charges dropped, but we go to trial in a few days and I don't think that we're going to get anywhere without help."

He takes the papers from her and lays them on the coffee table in front of him, then keeping Lucy in his arms he goes to the door and says "Benny, Marissa I need you for a second." As he comes back to sit down he then adds "I promise you that I will go and see Emily, and I'll try not to drop you or Marion in it, even if I have to try and work out a way that she won't find out I'm coming over there in any way and whatever happens I won't let it come between any of the relationships we have here. Then if I can also persuade her to let me help then I will do. First of all, though I'm going to go through the case, as well as get the team to look through it, then that way if I know where we're going in some way with things she will hopefully let me in and let me help."

As Benny and Marissa then came in Bull said as he handed them the paperwork and said: "Get copies of those done and give them to everyone when I brief them, as I don't know if we'll get to work on this case or not."

Marissa says "What is this about Bull?"

"I've just found out that Emily is back and she's the woman working as the lawyer at the shelter, but she doesn't want me to know that she's back. In a few days, they are due in court, but they have got a nightmare of a case, I am going to be taking a chance and will be going to see her. The woman whose case she and Kate here are doing is a murder of her ex-husband, as well as her being blamed for his embezzlement crimes. She does have an alibi because other than when she went to court for the restraining orders on her ex with Emily and Kate, she hasn't left the shelter. So I want all we can get on the case and also get Taylor on the trail to try and work out how and why she is being set up. I know that Emily is very capable of handling everything with the case on her own, but Benny go through everything with the case, so that you can be there as a back up for her during the case, or if things can go according to plan she may even let you handle doing the voir dire, which we will go through once we know what's going on and if she'll let me in."

Benny replies "Ok, will do. If she does let you in say Hi from me, if she won't let you in, then let me know, you never know she might talk to me instead."

He answers "I will do, I always forget about the two of you being at law school together and that you ended up being friends."

As things end up going that night while she's out shopping on her way back to her apartment, she and Benny end up running into each other while he's doing his own shopping at the same time. So, in the end, she invites him back to her apartment and of course, she doesn't realize about him working for Bull now until he mentions TAC and that they are also former brothers-in-law. She then admits that she knew about his marriage but hadn't realized that it was to his sister.

When she sits down and hands him the coffees that she made them she says to him "So tell me, Benny, how is he?"

He answers "He's ok and I take it that you mean following the heart attack?"

"I do, Marion told me what happened and it certainly came as a shock, I know what it was that built up to it, but what the hell happened?"

He says "Following it happening I think that between all of us we should have seen it coming. This last year was tough for him, with personal issues and money issues with TAC. He kept eating junk and sleeping or barely sleeping at the office, as well as drinking. I know that throughout the whole time I've known him and when he was also married to my sister he did sleep at the office, but not to the extent he was doing then. When we realized what was happening we probably did what we shouldn't have done in that we were confronting him about his behavior. He tried really tried following going on a big drinking binge after finding out that Izzie was getting married again, Marissa ended up having to bail him out because he was arrested for damaging a drinks machine that didn't give him the bottle of water that he'd paid for, she then gave him a lecture about his behavior in the car and he attempted to go cold turkey and just stopped drinking, took a break from work to get himself together, as well as buying himself a new suit, because with the weight gain he was remaining in the same sized clothes. He then took on a case that involved being blamed for rape, murder, and arson, it did turn out that Bull was right about him and the person we represented was really innocent, we had a really bad first day of the trial though and that night he went on a big binge drink once again. At the end of the case we found out who the real perpetrator was and got the evidence we had, so the FBI stepped in, ended the trial and Elliot was released without charges. I had noticed that Bull had got really pale, but he said he was ok. In many ways I suppose we should have with hindsight seen it coming, as a few weeks before we were in his office as me and Marissa were talking to him, he was prodding his chest and totally zoned out on us for a few minutes, then Cable who was computer expert told us that that morning before we went to court as she'd asked him if he was ok, he was complaining of pins and needles in his arm and hands and asking her if it was normal and if she'd ever had anything like that happen to her. Anyway as we were all congratulating each other he said that he wasn't feeling well and needed to get some air and disappeared off. By the time it was all over and we got back outside again from the court, it was to see paramedics working on someone on the court steps, the next thing me and Chunk realized was that it was Bull they were working on, he had collapsed on top of the steps and knew what was going on so he'd called the ambulance himself saying he was having a heart attack, by the time they had got there he'd lost consciousness and was barely breathing. It's been a long road, but he has done really well in getting himself fit, losing weight and not drinking, as well as managing to go home to his apartment at the end of the day."

She smiles to herself and says "I'm glad that he's ok, but knowing him I bet that he's had a wobble?"

"He did about a month or so ago not long after coming back to work again after all the months he had off, but that was because, during the first case for him back again, we had been getting worried about Cable as she hadn't come back to work again after her own break, without anyone hearing from her. Eventually, we found out that she had been killed in the bridge attack, so Bull managed to find out about the bank that had funded the terrorist group behind it and went after them in a case. During it, he slipped back into some of those bad habits again, but he has thank goodness got himself back on track again." He pauses and then adds "So I know that I don't know much about the relationship the two of you had and that you won't see or talk to him, but you know he does now know that you're back and he does want to see you, so is planning a surprise attack on you that you won't find out about, so why won't you see him?"

She sighs and says "It's a mixture of things really, when we split up we had this really stupid row, but it was one of those ones where I can't remember which one of us was at fault, but I know that we ended up hurting each other and because of that is holding me back from seeing him. Then I got married and was out of the country quite a lot because my husband was a marine so we were all around the place with his various deployments and things. I only came back here because he was killed in action, and I suppose as Jason would say I couldn't face seeing my past again, even if with not knowing what I wanted to do when I first got back, as I was in two minds about returning to psychology again or going back to law again. Other than the job offer that came from Marion, which of course has bought me closer to him, I may not have ever seen him again. Don't get me wrong in some ways I do still love him very much, because he was my first love. The other thing is I know about Izzie and the baby, then hearing about the heart attack I was worried about putting him under pressure again if I told him what he should really know, but again it's also hard for me to tell him as well after all these years."

"You weren't pregnant were you?"

As she tries to keep control of her emotions she says "It was too early to tell, but you know how you know about these things and I think that I was. Let's just say that I was rushed into hospital because of some unexplained blood loss, which got worse once I was in the hospital. They went through various possibilities of what it could have been, but being pregnant was the only logical conclusion that they could make, it was only a few weeks if I was, which was why they couldn't be certain about it. With what's happened with him I suppose at the start I was worried about telling him because of that, but I know in my heart that he does have to know about it, especially if we're going to be a part of each others lives once again."

"Look I know that this case of yours is going to be hard on you and Kate, as well as Bull if we get involved with it, but at least along with everything else that he went through he did also decide on doing something over therapy as well, so he does have that as a back up if we do come in and I think that you should let us in and take the pressure off, but if you tell him it may help you both to get through the whole thing a lot easier, because you are right he does need to know."

She takes a deep breath and then lets it out again and says "Ok, sorry for the pun lets take the bull by the horns, but I will need your help because you're right I am going to need your help as a lawyer and also help from TAC. Come and meet me at the shelter first thing tomorrow and I will give you everything that we have got on this case, then when you go back I'll send Kate back with you so that you all can begin work. I don't think that us meeting at the shelter will be a good idea for me and Jason, so tell him that we will meet in the usual place and I'll decide on where to go from there, because I think that even there telling him the news will still be a bit too public."

He replies "I will do. Look I know that he's my former brother-in-law and my best friend, but we were friends before all that, I know that there could end up being times where it might get a bit awkward, but I will always be here for the both of you, so if at any time you need to talk, then please call me."

"I will do and thank you, Benny."

He answers "Any time and I'll also look forward to hearing more stories about what Bull was like back then."

She then disappears and comes back with a framed photo of a very young Bull and her together, she then says "This picture was the start of it all and has to be one of my favorite ones, it was taken before we got together as it was the first day that I began training with him, and you know despite the history that was to come between us in the intervening years, it is still one of my very best memories. I know that both my passions were always the law and psychology, but he taught me so much and working alongside him was a very big learning curve, although saying that I don't know if I would ever be able to do all this trial science stuff."

"You just wait and see I have a feeling that you will probably love it just as much and that he will soon teach you everything he knows once again, although I may have a feeling that when we get to voir dire the two of you will be soon reading that prospective jury and making the decisions together. Although saying that I'm not going to make a bet with you over that, because of the way that I've always somehow ended up being on the losing end of your bets."

With that, she laughs before he then says that he'd better get going, and I'll look forward to coming and seeing you where you work tomorrow, they get up and hug before he then leaves.

On his way back to his apartment Benny calls Bull and as soon as he picks up the phone Benny says "You're in and have a chance tomorrow."

"What with Emily?"

He replies "Yes with Emily, she has also come right out with it and has asked for TAC's support on this case, so in the morning I'm going to her office to get everything she has on the case and she is also going to be sending Kate back with me so we can start working on the case. When we get back to TAC she says that you meet her in the usual place and you would know what she meant by that, but after that she doesn't know where it will be yet, but she does have something important to say to you and it needs some privacy and your usual place would end up being a bit too public for a meeting to happen between you."

He says "Thanks Benny, so how did you do it?"

"We were shopping in the same store after work and ran into each other, and then we went back to her apartment and have had a good talk."

He replies "I'm glad that you have done, so how is she?"

"She's doing well but has only just been back again for a little while. She was married to a marine, he was sadly killed in action, so she came home to make a few decisions about what to do next seeing as she couldn't make up her mind about whether to go back to psychology again or remain as a lawyer, of course with her job now she has the best of both worlds. She does also know about what happened with you, and that was one of the contributing things as to why she didn't get in touch again."

"Well after losing her husband and then hearing that news I can't say that I really blame her for doing that, but I do take it that there's a lot more to this?"

Benny answers "There is and because of what she has to tell you, I know that she was also slightly worrying about it causing you some stress and things, which she really didn't want to do to you." He then pauses and says "Look Bull I'll say what I said to her that I do really hope the two of you can get yourselves sorted out, but because I am a friend of the both of you then if anything goes on that isn't so good I will be here for the both of you, but I won't be taking any sides."

Bull says with some seriousness "I understand that Benny and I promise you that I won't let that happen, and I know that to some extent you have a lot of loyalty to her, with having known her a lot longer than I have known her for. She was one of the best things though in my life and now that there's a chance of having her back in my life once again I am determined not to lose her once again for a second time."

The two of them then carry on their conversation for a little while before they then say goodnight to one another and later on as Bull gets ready for bed he starts to feel positive about the two of them getting back into each other's lives once again because Emily had been someone that he had really loved both as a friend and a lover, as even in the times when they weren't romantically involved they would always be there for one another and when they needed it they would just talk for hours, sometimes he would like to that somehow they would be each other's counselors without it being on an official basis. So he was hoping and praying that they might at least get some of that back once again.

8


End file.
